Limited Success

It’s late in the evening.  For the past few hours, I’ve read almost every news story out there and have seen all the deals that are to be found today.  I’m tired.  It was a busy day, especially in the morning as I had several clients calling me with requests and needs.

It was definitely a reactionary type of productivity… the kind there because it has to get done then and there.  I did very little in terms of proactive productivity.  The kind of projects like putting together an advertising post card, invoicing a client, posting ads online, etc.  Hell, I didn’t even clean my desk or my office which was the very first thing on my to-do list.  Maybe that’s part of the reason today felt blah.  Because the very first thing on my to-do list is something I’m dreading.  I just want to skip over it, but it’s there at the very top everytime I look.

I stayed up way too late playing video games and drank a little too much.  I did manage to get up early and go workout, which was definitely a positive, however, I’ve felt drained since then.  A couple of other positives is that I successfully maintained both the kitchen and the bathroom.  I put up a dish into the dishwasher every time I used it and the bathroom countertops are still clean and free of random items like contact cases, glasses, etc.

Today was successful in some ways.  Do I wish I had carried that success to my office and being more proactive at work?  Definitely!  To be honest, I feel a bit guilty that I didn’t do that.  I am not going to let that guilt overshadow the positives though.  So although there was limited success, the key word is success!

Getting Excited

Ok, now I’m really getting excited about this.

I made the decision to go ahead and create this blog.  I googled how to get WordPress up on this old url I’ve never used.  It was one of those projects that never got off the ground other than visiting GoDaddy and purchasing the domain 6 or 7 years ago.

Ok… I had just done something.  I didn’t know how long it was going to take and I definitely had the urge to read the news, but instead I went ahead and put it up.  Maybe because my mind is in this thinking frame, and being aware of my goal to become more “Type-A”, as I was walking towards the bathroom, I noticed the dishes still in the sink.  Yes, I had done dishes earlier, but there were so many they could not all fit in the dishwasher!  Plus there were a few other things left out on the kitchen countertop.  I decided I was going to do these simple things… that the project wouldn’t last that long.  (hm…  maybe thinking a project can be quick instead of dreading it could be long could mean something…)

I just started where I could.  I put up the dishes in the dishwasher.  While I was doing that, I realized I will need to organize the cabinets at some point.  That by having the cabinets organized, it would help with the speed of unloading the dishwasher.  You’d be surprised at how long it takes to cram or strategically fit something into a jam packed mess of a cabinet.

(So the inside needs to be as organized as the outside)

Ok, cool… done.  Now it’s the dishes.  Of course, I have to run scalding hot water and wash them before I put them into the dishwasher as they are caked with old food.  This is actually turning out to be fun.  I’m enjoying doing these mundane task and letting my mind roam.  It’s quite therapeutic.

My thoughts turn to my social life.  What a disorganized utter mess that is too!  Wow.  I’m seeing this everywhere now!  I’ve broken up with my girlfriend, but we are still having sex and talking everyday.  I’m living at her house, while she moved in with my old roommate at my old house.  Of course, the lies that I’ve told are starting to come out.  I lied to her many times, and many times, I used my old roommate as an accessory to those lies.  I’ve basically lost respect with him and have lost him as a true friend.  His friends now like my exgf much better too.  Since this whole thing, I’ve realized I don’t have many friends and that makes me sad.  When something exciting happens, I always called my gf.  Now it’s one of my employees I call, and other than that, I have to basically contain the happiness inside.  I’m sure I’ll explore all that mess at some point.

Ok, back to the kitchen!  This all happens while I’m finishing up the dishes.  Wow… kitchen looks great and it took about 5 min total!  I have a meeting I have to leave for at 11:35am or so.  I started writing this at 11:25am.  Of course, I thought to myself… I don’t have time to type this all out.  I should just read the news or glace at some porn.  Nope, I started writing instead.  It’s 11:33am now.  I’m going to get ready, but I feel excited about this experiment. Let’s see how long we can keep it up!

A simple question…

It’s Sunday at 10:25am.  I have to leave in 5 minutes to meet with my client.  As I’m getting ready, the thought occurred to me.  Or should I say question?  Can a messy, procrastinating person turn themselves into a Type-A personality?  Or at least become closer to that?

I tend to drop my clothes where they are when I take them off.  My desk is littered with papers and notes, xbox controllers, money, pens, etc.  Random cords.  My office is an expansion of that.  Open drawers that are filled with all kinds of crap, file folders that hint at the few random times I’ve tried to be organized.  A whiteboard that hasn’t been updated in a month.

The kitchen and bathroom are also prime examples of this lack of care.  I just did the dishes because I was tired of the smell.  The counters in the bathroom could probably make someone sick by looking at them.

I think this is evident of the way I take care of my body too.  I bite my fingernails and peel away my toenails.  I don’t shave as often as I need to.  I definitely do not work out as much as I need to.  I wonder how my mental state of mind is as well!  They seem to all be connected together.  I know I’m so much more productive and calm and happy when everything is cleaned and organized, yet when it comes to the moment, I do not put in the effort at all to maintain it.  I basically do not make the time to be organized.  I have not placed it high enough on my priority list.

Instead, I’ll spend hours reading the news, watching tv, playing games, doing whatever I can to procrastinate.

Sometimes I feel if I could be organized and (some word that is the opposite of procrastinating… I guess proactive?), my life would be so much better.  I feel like I’m not at the place I want to be.  I feel like I have so many ideas and goals that to truly accomplish I have to have organization.  I think procrastination is the result (at least sometimes for me) of when I have a small break and I think of a project, but I think to myself that project will take much longer than my small break.  Then I’ll start reading the news and the next thing I know, a ton of time has passed by.

One thing I also notice is that I’ll physically feel like I don’t want to do anything.  That my head will hurt just a bit or that I feel tired.  I’ve felt that way before when I’ve had a project or task that had to be done.  Finally, when I was at the point of it has to be done now, somehow I was able to replace that tired feeling with a feeling of focus, excitement and adrenaline.  Similar to being down in a tennis match, when I would talk to myself and say “let’s do this!” and get all pumped up.

Of course, I’ve tried other means of getting that motivation.  Coffee, soft drinks, Adderall.  Actually, they all almost end up making me more tired.  Well… coffee isn’t that bad, but it sure as hell is not a means for providing motivation.

What’s really interesting is that, as I type this out and explore my original question with words and thought, I’m realizing a few things.  That motivation has to come from within.  That’s one thing.  I basically have to either simply change my mind or maybe even trick my mind so that I maintain that high level of motivation to get things done.  Second, I have to make the time for organization.  That’s number two.  Make the decision to do something I know I should be doing versus doing something else.  For example, when I finish one project, it’s not time to celebrate and play games while I know I have several other projects to go.  Talk about counter productive!  Lol.

So far, these seem like the main two things.  I’m sure as I go along in this journey, I’ll discover some more things as well.